we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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