i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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