I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
