We won't sleep together?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
