I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
