She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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