i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The power of my boobs compel you
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
