I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
