She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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