After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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