Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
