I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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