If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
zippers are such a cool invention
he fucked my hip out of place.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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