so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
