I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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