Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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