i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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