I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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