he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
