Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
