I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
