i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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