Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
