I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
