If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
