The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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