you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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