Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
