I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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