so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
