highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
