Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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