What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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