So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
