Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
