I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
