You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
