Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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