Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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