I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize