Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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