there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
