weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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