I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
