I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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