Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
