Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You ate ashes out of my bong
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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