it was like his penis was on wheels.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
