she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
