She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
