i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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