she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
