craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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