it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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