just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
