booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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