That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
