why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
