Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
