Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
