I can tuck mytits in my pants
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
