Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
