highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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