it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
